A coworker/friend stopped by my desk and, what did I feel the need to discuss? My mother, of course. Right now I find that all I can talk about is my mother. Even I'm getting sick of the topic, so I can't imagine how others feel.
I need an intervention. Fast.
Right now my mom and I are in an invisible argument. This particular stretch of arguing started when I had to pack up husband and kiddo to go to FOUR different places on mother's day to celebrate other mothers. By the time we reached place three my son was cranky and screaming and we nixed place four.
The next time I talked to my mom I gently told her that she could not expect a repeat performance for Father's Day. We're only going to see my dad and my husband's dad. That's it. I also mentioned that this year for Christmas we are not going FIVE different places either. I wanted to give her plenty of notice so as not to bring it up too late. Then came the guilt. Oh, the grandparents. Oh, the people who bear gifts for your son.
Yes, I am so grateful to have all four of my grandparents, but it doesn't mean that I want to see them and all of my extended family all in the same day. Well, this caused some displeasure with my mom. She brought up two road trips that we have planned and stated that "some people" (meaning HER) may not understand how it is that we can drive for hours and hours to see our friends when we cannot drive for two hours in one day to see family.
This family, might I add, does not like me. Other than my grandparents, everyone else clears the room when I arrive. Maybe there's not much to like, that's fine. But why would I drive all over the continental U.S. to hang with people who dislike me? And, frankly, they aren't really my cup of tea either. I would help my extended family if they needed it, but we really have nothing in common other than blood.
All of the above was politely discussed. We had come to an understanding after 45 minutes on the phone.
Then, 10 minutes later, I published my latest blog entry. In that entry I talked about how stressed I was. Also, I casually mentioned getting a sitter from my son's school so that I could have a night out with my husband.
Literally 3 minutes after publishing the blog I received another phone call from my mother. She was upfront in telling me that her feelings had been hurt. She felt like we were cutting her out of my son's life by not offering the babysitting to her first. She also stated that she doesn't see him nearly enough. I tried to explain that if we go out for the night we did not want to drive 30 minutes to pick up our son and then another 30 to come home. How unromantic is it to drive for an hour after a good date? Uh, very and I can tell you with that drive at that hour, someone's not putting out. And then what is the point of the date anyway? I was then told that if it was her only choice she would babysit at our house. At the same house that she didn't want to sit in on our anniversary to babysit, leaving us without a sitter and spending our anniversary at home.
Well, I must not have made my case for being able to choose whomever I want to babysit my son very well because she started crying. I tried to clear things up and thought that we were fine when I finished on the phone, but I received word from my sister and apparently my mom is still upset about it all.
I'm sick of what my mom is upset about. Here's what I'm upset about- just two sentences before writing about finding a babysitter I had written that I felt like a balloon whose air was seeping out. Did she ask me about how I feel or what was wrong? Uh, no. She just went into how wounded she was because I mentioned, in a freaking blog, that I might get another babysitter for a one-time date.
So, right now, I have several issues going on, obviously. Am I a horrible daughter for not wanting to drive over 2 hours in one day to celebrate any holiday? Am I abnormal for wanting to find a babysitter who lives nearby in case of emergency or for a fun night out?
I am just tired of my decisions coming under scrutiny because it is not the path she would like me to take. Being myself has meant always going against the grain in my family and it is so exhausting. When will they just understand that I am my own person?
Recently I was reading about how at this stage of development my son is realizing that he is a separate entity from me. When will my mom hit the stage of development where she realizes that she is separate from me, too?